I Know What You Are Going Through
by Anastasia S
Summary: The Witch tempted both Digory Kirke and Edmund Pevensie. After Edmund returns from Narnia at the end of the Golden Age, he struggles with having been tempted, and seeks out the Professor's advice. Based on Hebrews 2:18.


"_Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:18_

* * *

Leaning over his incredibly disorganized desk, Professor Digory Kirke made notes on the speech he was scheduled to give the next week. It had to be just right, for the issue upon which he was speaking promised to have quite an impact on the academic community. Immersed in his thoughts, he didn't hear at first the knock at his door. 

Edmund waited on the other side of the great wooden door that divided the Professor's office from the rest of the enormous house. He had knocked, and had received no response. Perceiving that either the Professor was not in the room or he had not heard Edmund knock, Edmund decided to knock again. He did so, a little louder this time.

That did the trick, for within a few seconds came the reply from the other side of the door: "Come in."

As the door opened, Digory turned to see who was there. Seeing the younger of the two Pevensie boys, he smiled.

"Edmund," he asked, "is there something I can help you with?"

Edmund looked miserable. He shrugged. "I don't know."

The Professor realized immediately that something was wrong, and, though the manuscript for his speech was due to be picked up the next day, he knew that in light of whatever was the matter with Edmund, the speech could wait. He gestured for Edmund to sit in one of the leather chairs in the middle of the room, and he sat in the other. Folding his hands in his lap, he waited for Edmund to speak.

At first, Edmund only mumbled, causing Digory to say, "You really need to speak up when talking to an old man like me. Don't they teach enunciation in schools these days?"

Edmund sighed, depressed. "Do you remember when we told you the story about why the coats from the wardrobe were missing?"

"Yes," replied Digory. "And I confided in you my story about Narnia as well."

Edmund nodded. "Well," he began, "there's something that I forgot to mention, something that I—purposely forgot to tell you."

The Professor leaned forward slightly. "And I assume that the reason you are here now is to tell me the rest of the story."

"Yes."

"Well, then, go ahead. I'm listening."

Edmund took a deep breath. "Do you remember that Peter and Susan and Lucy told you all about their gifts from Father Christmas?" When the Professor nodded, Edmund continued. "Well, I didn't tell you about my gift, and…there's a reason for that. You see, I never…received a gift. I wasn't there to receive one."

Digory noticed that Edmund looked a little teary-eyed, but he remained silent and nodded for Edmund to continue.

"The reason that I wasn't there was because I was elsewhere. I was in the company of…Her. I had…joined her side."

Understanding this all too well, Digory smiled, though grimly. Thoughts of his own began to flood his mind, and he knew that he would probably have to share them before this afternoon was over. He nodded for Edmund to keep going.

"I feel terrible, Professor," Edmund said. "Now that I have returned, all the memories of my former life before Aslan have returned. I am reminded constantly of my betrayal of Lucy and the others when they stayed with Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. I mean, I betrayed everyone, even those who never did me any harm! And then, even when I did come to my senses, She still came after me, and Aslan had to die for me!"

Edmund was nearly hysterical by this time, and Digory, a bit uncomfortable himself, wasn't quite sure what to do. But there was still more to be said.

"Professor, I just don't know what to do. In fact, since we came back, not only have I been unable to forget the past, but I have found myself being daily tempted by some of the same things that I fell to before. These past few days, I have hardly been able to look at the others without feeling ashamed of myself. It almost makes me wish Lucy had never found Narnia in the first place. Yet at the same, I am glad to have been King Edmund the just for all that time. I know Aslan forgave me, and the others did also, but I can't help thinking that I should have never gone to Narnia. If I hadn't, I never would have been tempted by the Witch."

Digory decided this was now the time to share his thoughts with Edmund, who needed to know more than anyone that Digory understood. Edmund appeared to be finished speaking for the moment, so Digory took that chance to talk.

"Edmund," he began, "I know that you feel horrid because of what you did, but maybe if I tell you a little story of my own, it will help. I can't really advise you, but I can sympathize with you."

Edmund looked up. "What story? I thought you already told all of us about your adventures in Narnia—about how you and Aunt Polly watched as Aslan sang Narnia into existence."

"That's true, I did," replied the Professor. "And you also know that the Witch followed us, and that Aslan sent us up to the lands of the North to a garden where I could find what would be needed to keep Her from coming back to Narnia."

Edmund nodded.

"Well, you see, there's more to that part of the story that I didn't say anything about because I didn't want to think about it. When I was in the garden, I was...not alone. At first, I didn't know there was someone else there, but then I realized it was Her. The Witch had sneaked into the garden, and was there holding the remains of an apple that she had eaten. She told me that I should eat one too, that it gave her eternal life, and that Aslan would never know. Edmund, I confess that I was almost tempted. The worst part came when she told me I should take one home to my mother, who was close to death. The apple would have healed her. Luckily, I resisted temptation, but I still felt terrible after the fact."

"But Professor," Edmund looked up and said, "that's just it. You didn't give in; I did."

"That is true, Edmund. But it also means that I know what you are dealing with, because I dealt with it as well. I understand what you're going through, so that means you can come talk with me anytime you need to."

By this time, Edmund had stopped crying, and was listening to the words of the wise Professor. When the Professor was finished, he said,

"Thank you, Professor. That makes me feel better. It's going to be a long time before I start to get over this I think, but it makes it easier knowing someone else has been through something like this as well."

As Edmund started to get up to leave, the Professor smiled, saying,

"Actually Edmund, thank you for coming to talk to me today, because if you hadn't, I probably would have kept that secret for much longer. I needed to share it."

And Edmund smiled. "You're welcome, Professor," he said, and then left, closing the door behind him.

After Edmund left, Digory whispered, "Thank you, Aslan, that Your love is never-ending, and that You forgive us even when we don't deserve it."

* * *

A/N: If the verse that I chose to go along with this fic doesn't sound like it fits, then let me explain. Because the Witch had also tempted him, Digory was able to be there as a friend to Edmund when Edmund struggled with temptation. In the same way, because Jesus was tempted by Satan in the desert, He is able to be there for us when we are tempted on a daily basis. 


End file.
